Fight

I've won some battles, but I'm still very much in a war with Fear. I've looked this bastard straight in the eye and told him to fuck off plenty of times, but somehow the jerk pops up on me like a yeast infection and wreaks havoc on my life. There are times when I've caught myself cuddling right up to him and mistaking him for Security until someone exposes him and makes me feel foolish for showing him some love. Like today, a very good friend of mine asked me, "What are you afraid of? Losing something you perceived you had?" Oooo weee...harsh blow straight to the chest, but it was right on time and just what I needed.

My friend challenged me to have an honest conversation with a woman I don't open up to very often. I respect her, love her, don't always do right by her and often times even lie to her, but tonight she deserved my attention. I listened to her wants and needs, cried for her, laughed with her and even dug up some unhappy memories with her. We connected on a very spiritual and honest level. The thing is I often brag about her, but truthfully didn't really believe in her. Tonight, I remembered just how amazing she truly is. She is complex and simple, kind and hard, physically and mentally in two different places, Ms. Understood and misunderstood. At the end of the day, Deanne is my best friend and someone I need to look out for more often. She's someone you might have to take time to really get to know, but the long haul is worth it. :)

I am challenging myself to pursue Joy. I can choose to be "happy", but I want to pursue Joy in all aspects of my life, career, relationships, and experiences. If it's anything less, then it's just a "filler" there to deceive you into feeling complete. The pursuit will require honesty, confidence, drive, process and patience, but the prize is well worth working over time, facing the fears, sacrificing and all of the challenges.

God willing tomorrow I will be given a new day. Life is all about delicious fun. Make sure you get out there and taste it or else I'll eat it all.

Peace!